Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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