Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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