whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
