As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
