Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
