but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
