He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
