grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
