Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
