Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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