I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
