You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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