You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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