My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
