Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
