I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
