SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
