as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
