Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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