im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
