One girl and one boy is just not enough.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
