I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
