tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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