i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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