I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
