what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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