Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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