I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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