i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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