I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
