you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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