There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
