Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
