Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i've created a new STD.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
