he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize