He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
