i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
