it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
