Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this just has baby written all over it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
