I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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