i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
