So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
