omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
