No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
