I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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