my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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