Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its not stalking. its research.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
