In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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