Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
