She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
