what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
