i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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