So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
