i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize