College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
