between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
