I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
