She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
