jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
