never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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