New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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