Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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