you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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