i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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