ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
