you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
