Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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