Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
