Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
