dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
