I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
