i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize