i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
