i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
