I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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