apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
