I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize