I skipped work to stalk him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
