you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
