Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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