do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize