I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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