apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
