Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
